Culture Shock in America?
By Martha Finney
Imagine you're embarking on your first foreign assignment. You had an outstanding academic career and are now in great demand in your field. After only a few years on the job, you're an undisputed star at your company. You've become so stellar, in fact, that with your ability to speak the international language of business-English-you're the obvious choice to be sent abroad. It's a developmental assignment, shall we say: five, maybe 10, years overseas. Then you'll return home with a skill set bulging with international savvy and your own personal spotlight on the world stage of business.
With confidence, you accept that exotic assignment abroad. Destination: the United States of America.
But you soon discover that the Land of Opportunity is really the Land of "What's Your Social Security Number?" Without that nine-digit track record of your material viability, it doesn't matter where you came from or where you're going. You find yourself struggling to open accounts; to get an apartment, a phone, and electricity; and to figure out the bus route while you're waiting for a car loan to come through. You have somehow dropped into the Dead Zone; you're stuck in Culture Shock Purgatory.
It's ironic that this would be the case in a country with one of the world's most-traveled populations. Still, being sent to the United States on foreign assignment is not just a stressful business-it's a lonely one. From New Delhi to Cape Town to Minas Gerais, the observation is the same: Americans are friendly but hard to make friends with. We gregarious Americans don't truly bring international assignees into our lives, because we don't bring them into our homes after work.
What about corporate support? With rare exception, Corporate America is still focused more on making Americans' adventures abroad successful than on providing the same levels of support to those coming here on corporate assignments.
This perspective will eventually come at great cost to any U.S. corporation with international ambitions, says Willa Hallowell, a partner with Brooklyn, N.Y.-based Cornelius Grove and Associates, a consultancy emphasizing cross-cultural support. You have to regard this person coming in as a business investment, and you therefore must guard that investment in every possible way. "If you don't, the mess you will have to clean up will be an even greater expense," Hallowell says. The costs associated with the mess include loss of productivity, the diminishment of the employee's self-confidence, the potential destruction of the employee's home life, and the corrosion of the company's reputation abroad.
"If things aren't going well, the returning employee will spread the seeds of discontent," Hallowell says. "Then, the next round of employees brought here will be prepared for problems, or they might choose to come here to look for another job."
The good news is that companies are moving toward seeking support services for their expatriates from all nations. "More and more companies are bringing expats to us," says Franchette Richards, until recently manager of Arthur Andersen's International Employment Solutions group. "We're helping them deal with visas and other immigration issues-financial obstacles, cultural differences. It's important for companies to realize that they must be consistent in the support of their expats, whether the employees are coming here or going outbound. An expat is an expat is an expat."
And no matter where they come from, expats share a critical concern: how well their spouses adjust to their new life. "It is the main reason why employees go home early," says Cornelius Grove, partner at Grove & Associates and an expert on the physiological effects of the stress of culture shock.
Most damaging to a spouse's accommodation: Under U.S. immigration laws, most spouses are not allowed to find jobs while they are "in country," so they are without the automatic social network that the office provides the employee.
Following are the personal accounts of several expats assigned to the United States-what works for them and what does not; what they leave at home in the morning and what they worry about all day.
Dalton Moraes, 29
Development Manager
LHS Communication Systems, Miami
Country of origin: Brazil
I have been here six months on a developmental assignment with my company, which is German-owned. Down in Brazil, we spend all our lives learning about the United States, primarily through television and movies. From what I've seen so far, most of what I learned growing up is true.
The way American people do business here is very aggressive. I'm used to being able to think about purchasing decisions. But here they force you to buy at once; they sit with you and try to squeeze your brain until you have no option but to buy something.
Americans also talk way too fast. There are so many accents here. It's hard for us to learn them and understand quickly. I also find that Americans don't have the patience to repeat things or explain what certain phrases mean. Americans also tend to think I speak Spanish because I'm dark and speak with an accent. But in Brazil we speak Portuguese, not Spanish.
My wife also works for LHS, and because of the timing of her visa application, she was able to get a working visa before I was. So she's the one who can have a Social Security number right now. Without a Social Security number, it's really hard to build a credit history. And without a credit history, it's really, really tough to find a home or buy a car.
Fortunately, my company has a relationship with a credit union. So we were able to buy a car with a tolerable interest rate. But then we shopped around for insurance for our new Rav 4. Because we don't have a record here, we were quoted $4,500 by one insurance company!
I find that Americans are so money-oriented that they have little time for friends and family. It seems they only get together with their families for holidays. Here, when kids turn 21, they must go out and work and live by themselves. But in Brazil, we get together on weekends with our parents and siblings and have a barbecue. We're very family-oriented. Sure, I want my children to be independent and have their own lives, but I also want them to be with me until they're 50 years old.
Still, America is the Land of Opportunity. We had the choice between São Paulo and Miami when we discovered that we were going to be transferred. We chose Miami for the opportunities here. There are 27 nationalities represented in the Miami office. And here we can have a nice house and happy kids. Here we can begin to learn to live around the world but still be connected to the people we love.
Nick Lane, 36
Manager, Global Learning
Warner-Lambert Co., Morris Plains, N.J.
Country of origin: South Africa
Leaving your home country is like being the executor of your own estate. You have to close bank accounts, settle insurance policies, and say goodbye to all of the community connections you've made over a lifetime.
And then moving to the new country is like being born. You must learn new ways of living very rapidly. You must condense the first 25 years of your life, the time when you learn how to make your life work, and relearn all of those necessary skills.
I came to the United States in April 1999, as an organizational psychologist for Warner-Lambert. Being this close to the New York Stock Exchange, this close to real money, has messed with people's values. I find many people here have overextended themselves, making life tough and fast-paced.
My impression of Americans is that they're also quite rule-bound. You can't even buy a stepladder without reading rules on how to use it. And there's a general compliance with rules both written and unwritten. Things are really very orderly here. Take those irritating left-turn jughandles we have in New Jersey. They make a lot of sense once you get used to them. But in South Africa, you'd simply say, "Stuff it, I'm going to turn left right here and just go."
What we haven't experienced here is a real welcome beyond the superficial level. It's tough getting into social circles. Time is such a huge issue, and Americans try to fit so much into their days. So when they socialize, there is another agenda going on as well. The unspoken question always is, How can this contact work for me?
The main priority in my life is striking a balance between work and nonwork. Here, work is an end in itself. But I prefer to leave it as a means to an end.
The process is a lot tougher on the spouses. My wife, Kim, doesn't exist to this country. Because she's not entitled to work, she's not entitled to have a Social Security number. I must come with her whenever she needs to do anything official, such as get a driver's license, and explain everything over and over again.
When I'm at work, I worry about Kim. What this kind of experience does is pull the family together more than ever before. And I'm aware that she is the one who must take care of the kids and cope with all the loose ends, while I have a place to go every day, work to do-all the while surrounded by the corporate support I need to get the work done.
But it's one thing to have a great day at the office, and then go home to someone who has been having an entirely different day. My family is always my priority. Without my family, my work at Warner-Lambert would be meaningless.
Kim Lane, 36
Trailing Spouse
Morris Plains, N.J.
Country of origin: South Africa
Trailing spouse"? What an awful expression! It sounds like something you want to wipe off!
I'm actually quite pleased with how much we've accomplished in such a short time. I now have my driver's license. I'm in my own home with my own stuff around me. We still have a lot in boxes, but already the house is beginning to look like home.
We had spoken about moving to another country for a long time. And when Nick got the job at Warner-Lambert in Cape Town, we were excited about the prospect of possibly being transferred to the United States. But when it did happen, we had to remind ourselves, "This is what we wanted."
When we initially discussed doing this, it was before we had children. And when you have children, you come to rely on friends and family quite a bit. So I found myself wishing we had done this three or four years ago, before we had our sons.
The children have made it much harder and much easier at the same time. It's harder to orient yourself to a new place with two little kids in tow. You can only do it in short spurts. On the other hand, with kids you meet people more easily. We've already joined a play group, and I've joined an organization of stay-at-home mothers.
But it didn't start out easily. When we first moved in here, no one came over to introduce themselves. I thought, "Well, in order to make this work, I'm going to have to be the one to extend myself." If I don't make the effort, the only person I talk to is the checkout person at the grocery store.
I've had a couple of days when I really felt lousy and missed people back home. I miss my rituals. For instance, there was a really great coffee shop in Cape Town that had a playground for kids. A good friend ran it. So I could spend the day there, and I'd know half of the people that walked in and out. But here I don't even have the social network of the corporate world.
I worry about Nick's peace of mind. I know he's not focusing on what he's doing at work if he's worrying that I'm miserable. Being the kind of guy he is, I know he'd go the extra mile to make sure I'm happy.
I do still get lonely, so I try to keep busy. I plan things. I never go a whole week without doing something special with the kids. I have a calendar stuck on the fridge, and I make sure it's full.
If I admit that I'm battling culture shock, then I've lost. It's far better to rationalize it, to intellectualize it, and to remind myself that we just got here and it takes time. And I must be getting better. There was a time when my 4-year-old would ask me 10 times a day, "Are you happy, Mom?" He has stopped doing that now. I'll take that as a good sign.
Sunir Kapoor, 37
Founder and former CEO
E-Stamp.com, San Carlos, Calif.
Country of origin: India, by way of England, Germany, and France
Being educated in Europe, I was raised to regard America as a homogeneous culture. But Americans are far more diverse than Europeans are led to believe. There's really no such thing as a mainstream society here. So we can only discuss American culture in terms of broad generalities. In most cultures in the world, you work to live, but, generally speaking, Americans live to work. If you're on a fast track, you enjoy what you do, and you live for that passion. That kind of life extracts a price from you, mostly in your personal life. The American way of life is a lonely way. It's oriented toward the individual and the small family. There isn't much of a sense of the extended family here.
When I first came to the United States eight years ago, it was to work at Microsoft headquarters. I noticed right away that people deal with each other differently here than what I was used to, even after having worked at Microsoft in Paris. I noticed a lack of social points of intersection; people just don't have the chance to cross paths and meet each other outside the work environment. The co-workers who did invite me to their homes and showed me around the town were Spanish, Lebanese, Brazilian, and French. Even though we met through work, when we got together socially we didn't spend much time talking shop. But Americans typically talk about three things: movies, sports, and work.
I've experienced regional differences in the United States. In Seattle, for instance, the weather is so rainy so much of the time that everyone tends to stay indoors, which can be pretty isolating. But now I'm in California, which has great sunny weather that encourages people to be outside more. People tend to be more cheerful, optimistic, and outgoing. Therefore, it's easier to meet people in California.
Throughout the United States, though, there seems to be a drive to create new things and change the world in short periods of time. Work is tied to self-respect, recognition, and power. The biggest high you can give an engineer is to point out how cool it would be to know that that product on the shelf was something you contributed to, that you have had a part in changing the world.
And Americans have a different set of rituals. Whereas coming across as open and forward wouldn't be appropriate in Asia, here, "Hi. How are you?" is the standard way of beginning a conversation. It just took me a while to recognize that Americans don't really expect a long discussion about how you really are. Here the emphasis seems to be on always saying the "right" thing, even if it's not necessarily the "real" thing-which breeds some insecurity if you're used to taking things at face value.
In general, Americans are open-minded, ambitious, optimistic, analytical, and logical. U.S. business is short-term, expecting foreseeable returns within a year's time. There's not much interest in investing in long-term relationships.
This kind of environment is one of the reasons why the United States is driving the Internet revolution. This same mentality is also a risk-taking, open-minded one that appreciates creative ideas just for the sake of their innovation. The nature of American society is much more dynamic and open to change-possibly because there is not much that's old to cling to.
Whereas Europeans and Asians focus their education on teaching the basics, the U.S. emphasis on creativity and analysis is what results in new ideas. And it's the typical American willingness to take risks that leads to amazing breakthroughs. Consequently, I could have started E-Stamp.com only in the United States.
Ultimately, you must know what your own values are and who you are. But you also have to know what you have to be in each situation. My father says, "Eat what you like, and dress the way others like." I take that to mean that you should internalize things that are consistent with your true nature. And you should externalize the aspects of behavior that help you function in different societies.
While the perception of American casual openness can be unnerving for a European, the formality of European business can be experienced as aloofness or untrustworthiness by an American.
Rigdhen Dolma, 36
Reporter
Radio Free Asia, Washington, D.C.
Country of origin: Tibet, by way of India
Even though I was born and raised in India, I consider it my second country. But I've never seen my first home, Tibet. My family is in exile, and I was raised in Tibetan settlements throughout India. I know the place I consider to be my home only through stories.
I was working as a reporter for All India Radio when I was recruited to come to the United States and work for Radio Free Asia. It was a hard choice to make. My aim has always been to work for the cause of my country and to be the most productive in whatever I do. And I felt that my work would have more impact if I moved to the United States, where I could write more news on Tibet. So I chose to come here, leaving the place where I have all my friends and my community to come to a new land.
Life in India is very slow, but here it's very fast. The first day I went to work, I was walking to the office from the subway and realized that everyone was passing me by. First one person, then another, then another. I was being left behind on the sidewalk. I thought, "Oh, I must pick up my pace." Now no one passes me by. And I've discovered that I'm feeling more competitive in many aspects of American life.
What worries me the most is that my 4-year-old daughter will be separated from her culture. I find that most children of expat families are speaking English and forgetting their own mother tongue. In India, there are many Tibetan schools where the language and culture are kept alive. But there are no special schools for Tibetans in the United States. I'm afraid that once she starts going to school here, she'll start forgetting her culture.
My husband is also with me, and I see him getting a little moody and bored sitting at home. When we were in India, he worked as a lawyer in the New Delhi high court and then as a press officer. All his efforts were focused on serving our government-in-exile. He's passionately patriotic and had to leave his life's work behind. Here, he can't do anything for his country.
It's hard to say at this early stage whether we'll be able to make meaningful friends here. But I have noticed that it is really difficult. People don't like speaking to each other here. They're happy in their own cocoons. We live downtown, and we know that the apartments are full of people. But we just don't see anyone around. Where is everybody?
Martha Finney is co-author of Find Your Calling, Love Your Life: Paths to Your Truest Self in Life and Work (Simon & Schuster). She can be reached at MarthaFinn@aol.com.
Found online at http://www.conference-board.org/worldwide/worldwide_article.cfm?id=123&wid=6
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